Puzzzzles

[1] If You Have Sex With A Prostitute Against Her Will, Is It Considered Rape Or Shoplifting?

[2] Can You Cry Under Water?

[3] How Important Does A Person Have To Be Before They Are Considered Assassinated Instead Of Just Murdered?

[4] Why Do You Have To "Put Your Two Cents In"... But It's Only A "Penny For Your Thoughts"? Where's That Extra Penny Going To?

[5] Once You're In Heaven, Do You Get Stuck Wearing The Clothes You Were Buried In For Eternity?

[6] Why Does A Round Pizza Come In A Square Box?

[7] What Disease Did Cured Ham Actually Have?

[8] How Is It That We Put Man On The Moon Before We Figured Out It Would Be A Good Idea To Put Wheels On Luggage?

[9] Why Is It That People Say They "Slept Like A Baby" When Babies Wake Up Like Every Two Hours?

[10] If A Deaf Person Has To Go To Court, Is It Still Called A Hearing?

[11] Why Are You In A Movie, But You're On Tv?

[12] Why Do People Pay To Go Up Tall Buildings And Then Put Money In Binoculars To Look At Things On The Ground?

[13] Why Do Doctors Leave The Room While You Change? They're Going To See You Naked Anyway.

[14] Why Is "Bra" Singular And "Panties" Plural?

[15] Why Do Toasters Always Have A Setting That Burns The Toast To A Horrible Crisp, Which No Decent Human Being Would Eat?

[16] If Jimmy Cracks Corn And No One Cares, Why Is There A Stupid Song About Him?

[17] Can A Hearse Carrying A Corpse Drive In The Carpool Lane ?

[18] If The Professor On Gilligan's Island Can Make A Radio Out Of A Coconut, Why Can't He Fix A Hole In A Boat?

[19] Why Does Goofy Stand Erect While Pluto Remains On All Fours? They're Both Dogs!

[20] If Wile E. Coyote Had Enough Money To Buy All That Acme Crap, Why Didn't He Just Buy Dinner?

[21] If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, And Vegetable Oil Is Made From Vegetables, What Is Baby Oil Made From?

[22] If Electricity Comes From Electrons, Does Morality Come From Morons?

[23] Do The Alphabet Song And Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star Have The Same Tune?

[24] Why Did You Just Try Singing The Two Songs Above?

[25] Why Do They Call It An Asteroid When It's Outside The Hemisphere, But Call It A Hemorrhoid When It's In Your Butt?

[26] Did You Ever Notice That When You Blow In A Dog's Face, He Gets Mad At You, But When You Take Him For A Car Ride, He Sticks His Head Out The Window?

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More one liners

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.


Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!


Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.


When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading.


My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.


You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'


Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.


Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.


The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.


Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.


Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.


The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.


Sign At A Barber's Saloon:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.


A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.


Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.


Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother!

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Great Interesting Facts

Here are some interesting, but true facts, that you may or may not have known.

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The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long



Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile


A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.


A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.(the Wright brother's invented the airplane)


There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.


One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny


The word "set " has the most number of definitions in the English language;192


Slugs have four noses


Sharks can live up to 100 years


Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.


Kangaroos can't walk backwards


About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday


The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887


The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.


Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency


Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints


There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human


It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.


The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002


Octopus have three hearts


If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange


The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.


1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old


The body has 2-3 million sweat glands


Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs


Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.


Most cats are left pawed


250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa


A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant


You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!


Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours


An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce


Bone is five times stronger than steel.

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The funniest one line jokes

They lived happily until they got married.



"What did one ghost say to another?"

"Do you believe in people?"



My friend has a fine watch dog.

At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.



They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.



"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"

"Please wait someone else is using it."



When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.



"Where did you get those big eyes?"

"They came with the face."



I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .



But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.



Sanjay : "I passed your house yesterday."

Anil : "Thanks I appreciate it."



It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!



"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."

"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."



"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"

"Yes if you're lucky."



A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"

"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."



I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.



Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"

"I couldn't lift the table."



"My wife doesn't know what she wants."

"You're lucky. My wife does."



We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.



Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.



The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.



"What do use for washing dishes?"

"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."



"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"

"Fine. She vanished last night."



"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"

"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"



"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."



There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.



"I heard you missed school yesterday."

"Not a bit."



"I gotta 'A' in spelling."

"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."



My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe .

I have no objections - I let her talk.



There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.

Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture

Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.

An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.



"My uncle has a cedar chest."

"My uncle has a wooden leg."



"I want some current literature." "Here are some books on electric. lightning."



There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.



Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.



He met her in a revolving door and has been going around with her ever since.

COLLECTION OF WORLD BEST



ALL IN ONE



NOW VIST



SOLVED PROBLEM OF HUMAN WORLD

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Enjoy these Jokes

What is difference between Watch & Wife?
Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai, aur Dusri bigarti hai to chalu ho jati hai !
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Always listen to your wife.
She gives Sound Advice:
99% Sound and 1% Advice.
------------ --------- --------- ---
A 50 yr old man asked wife: Do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls?
Wife: No, not at all, even DOGS chase cars, but can't drive them !!!
------------ --------- --------- -------
Hubby: Darling, years ago you had a figure like Coke bottle.
Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.
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Friend: He Bhagwan tu muje Dard de,Dukh de,Sare sansar ka Gum de,Kasht de,Takleef de.
Response by a friend: Baba pe itni saari demand Qn karte ho,BIWI maanglo!
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A woman is always right.
Sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, irritable and even downright stupid.... but NEVER EVER wrong...!
------------ --------- ---------
Why India did not qualify for the World Soccer?
Laloo 2 his P.A - Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat mar rahe hai?
P.A: Goal karne k liye.
Laloo: Susra, Ball to pahle se hi gol (round) hai aur kitna gol karenge

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Friendship SMS's

Heats could love 4 a while, feet could walk 4 a mile, clothes won’t 4ever be in style, but having u as my friend is 4EVER worthwhile.

Friendship is a golden chain that bunches two hearts together, if u never break that chain we shall be friends forever.

Some friends deserve 2be thrown,Some friends r good 2 keep,some r 2b treasured 4ever,and i think u r ONE 2b thrown...... .......In the treasure box2b keept 4ever

Friendship sometimes stops in the middle to ask what it has gained and what it has lost,then it realises that it has gained life's joys and lost life's sorrows

A frnd is never a co incidence in ur life, they r meant to enter ur life to bring u joy n laughter, so ill treasure the frnd ship between us.

I must have been born under a lucky star , to find a friend as nice as you are. I will follow the rainbow to the end , if you all promise to remain my friend !!!

dete ho kyu ye dard bus humi ko kya samjoge tum in ankho ki nami ho u to hoge lakho dewane is chand k chand kya mehsus karega 1 tare ki kami ko

My frndship is like sugercane u crush it twist it squeez it beat it to plup all that you’ll get is sweetness.

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous

Love is like a fire. Whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn your house down, you’ll never know

“why is it when you love someone so much that you can never find the right words to tell them?”

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see. but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

I made a list of my dearest persons but wrote them by PENCIL included your name but wrote it with PERMANET INK Coz i have decided 2 keep you.as a friend.

Flowers means honey...,honey means sweet... Sweet means desire ...,Desire means Love...,Love means Friend...,Friend means U sweet sweet…

Plants are green and earth is blue, why ur so nice to me i want a clue, whatever may be the reason like u, b'coz in world like this i will never, get a friend like you

Friendship is a little more trust, a little less try, a little more laugh, a little less cry, a little more luv, a little less fight a little more WE & a little less I

I may not be the "Perfect Friend" That U R looking for... not even the "BEST" among them all... But surely I'm a friend who always care for... YOU...

Keep the lamp of friendship burning with oil of love, bcos sun rises in east and sets in west but friendship rises in HEART and sets after DEATH

True f'ship never fades with time :-) becomes more tasteful like old WINE ::)) only a friend can understand words and convert the rolling tears into a smile!

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Funny Definitions

Abundance - A baker's exercise (A-bun-dance)
Arbitrator - A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Arcade - A lemonade type drink served on Noah's Ark.
Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do.
Babysitter - A small child that has not learned to crawl or walk.
Baloney - Where some hemlines fall.
Band-Aid - A fund to help a band.
Bernadette - The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize - What a crook sees with.
Cadillac - Lack of cattle.
Contents - Where con men sleep while on a camping trip.
Control - A short, ugly inmate.
Cookout - The cook's day off.
Counterfeiters - Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowlick - Bashing a cow.
Cowhide - Game of Hide and Seek played by cows.
Detail - Removing a tail.
Dieting - The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Dog Paddle - A rolled-up newspaper with which to punish a dog without hurting it.
Doughnut - Holey food.
Eclipse - What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper - A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fan Club - A weapon used by a celebrity so he won't be crushed by fans.
Feather Brained - Fuzzy headed.
Feather Head - An American Indian Chief.
Fire Escape - A way for a fire to go out.
First Lady - Eve.
Flying Saucers - The wife is on a rampage.
Funny Paper - (1) A paper that laughs. (2) The paper you read instead of going to church.
Ghost Town - A town full of Haunted Houses.
Girl Scout - A boy that "scouts" for girls.
Good-bye - A bargain.
Gossip - 24-hour teller.
Handicap - A head cover that is easy to locate and wear.
Hardship - A ship protected by thick cover.
Hatchet - What a hen does to an egg.
Hay - Grass a-la-mowed.
Headlight - A dizzy spell.
Heavy Duty - Loading an elephant.
Hence - An enclosure around a hen yard.
Heroes - What a guy in a boat does.
High school - A school atop the Sears Building.
High water - The main reason Noah built the ark.
Himalaya - A rooster that lays an egg.
Holy Smoke - A church on fire.
House Keeper - A lady that kicks her husband out and keeps the house.
Ideal Person - A card player that wants to deal everytime.
Illegal - A sick bird.
Installment - Putting a horse in a stall.
Lad - A short ladder.
Laughing Stock - Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.
Layaway Plan - A pre-arranged burial plan.
Laying Down The Law - Putting the law aside and making your own rules.
Left Bank - What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Life Jacket - A special coat that lasts a lifetime.
Lip Service - Applying lipstick.
Little Dipper - A small boy diving.
Long Jump - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Matchbook - A book about matches.
Megaphone - A very large telephone.
Mistletoe - Any animal with a toe missing.
Misty - How golfers create divots.
Mohair - What bald headed men need.
Monkey Business - A petstore employing monkeys only.
Moron - Someone that spent all night studying for a blood test.
Moth Ball - A special social event for moths.
Negative Feedback - One result of seasickness.
Network - The process of making nets.
Outfit - Pitching a fit outdoors.
Over Leap - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Overloaded - An elephant riding a bicycle.
Oyster Bed - A place for an oyster to sleep.
Pacifist - One that can't advocate peace without clinching his fist.
Paradox - Two physicians.
Parasites - What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pedestrian - An endagered species.
Period - A comma that curled up and went to sleep.
Pharmacist - A helper on the farm.
Piggyback - A lost pig is back home.
Pigment - A mint plant grown to feed hogs.
Pineapple - An apple that grew on a pine tree.
Polarize - What penguins see with.
Pole Vault - A vault where poles hid from Hitler.
Polite - A light on a pole.
Polygon - A parrot that got away.
Priesthood - A special headpiece for a priest.
Primate - Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protest - Testing a professional person.
Put-down - To hot to handle.
Quarterback - Change when you pay for a 75¢ item with a dollar bill.
Reform - To gain or lose weight.
Refuse - Replacing a burned out fuse.
Relief - What trees do in the spring.
Remind - A brain transplant.
Rest Stop - The traffic light is stuck on red.
Retire - Replacement of tires.
Ringworm - Worm with a bell.
Rock Music - A lullaby sung in a rocking chair.
Roman - A person that never settles very long in one place.
Sausage - "Groundog".
Scorekeeper - Someone that knows the score but keeps it to himself.
Showoff - The show has been cancelled.
Selfish - What the owner of a seafood store does.
Single Entry - Single people only.
Standing Order - Freeze!
Subdued - Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed - Brought litigation against a government official.
Sunny - A bright boy.
Sunbeam - A heat proof beam supporting the sun.
Sunburn - What you basked for.
Sundial - An old-timer.
Sweater - A person that freely perspires.
Syntax - All the money collected at the church from sinners.
Teenagers - People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.
Time Keeper - A guy that didn't return your watch.
Tireless - Have a car but have no tires.
Tooth Picks - The choices many dentists give patients to select their artificial teeth.
Touch-Me-Not - A person with a severe sunburn.
Travelers Aid - A soft drink for tourists.
Vitamin - What you do when someone comes to the house.
Waffle Iron - A special additive to put more iron in waffles.
Waterfall - A "watered-down" place in a stream.
Well Done - A water, gas or oil well is completed.
Weekend - A book with a blah ending.
Whether - Unpredictable weather.
Wildlife - Living it up!
Witchcraft - Handmade crafts made for Halloween.
Woodchuck - Throwing a heavy pole, post or other item made of wood.
Workout - An outside job.
Writer - One who corrects a wrong.
Year Book - A book that takes a year to read.
Zero Hour - Time kept by a "cuckoo" clock.

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