More one liners

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.


Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!


Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.


When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading.


My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.


You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'


Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.


Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.


The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.


Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.


Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.


The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.


Sign At A Barber's Saloon:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.


A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.


Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.


Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother!